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Veiled insults are her favorite weapons of abuse: vague enough to evade responsibility, but pointed enough for you to get the message. She is the master of passive-aggressive warfare. Oh, and you’ll never hear a “thank you.” 10. It’s a classic “damn if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario.Įven if you’re willing to yield to her to avoid confrontation, a manipulative mother will always find that you did something wrong. It would seem that if you do everything she asks, she’ll be happy. Once you tell her “no,” she unleashes the hell hounds of blame, guilt, and shame on you to whip you into submission. It’s as if she’s testing how far she can push you. These requests range from small and reasonable to completely ridiculous. Your manipulative mother always has a ton of requests and favors to ask of you. This is just a part of her pattern to idealize and then devalue people. It doesn’t really matter to a manipulative mother which is which. She’ll put the golden child on the pedestal, while the scapegoat will only receive criticism and rejection. To achieve this, she will pick the “golden child” and the “scapegoat.” One of her best manipulative tricks is to pin you and your siblings against each other, so you can be vying for her love and approval. She plays favorites with her children (or grandchildren). A child whose emotional needs are not met will learn manipulative or deceitful ways to cope. Ironically, this is probably what she experienced in childhood, too. She is notorious for disregarding your needs. She always puts her needs first.Ī manipulative mother likes playing the role of a selfless caretaker of her family, a loving wife, a humanitarian…But in reality, it’s all about her. She’ll even sabotage you, all to keep you under her thumb. She wants to maintain her control over you, so she’ll manufacture ways to keep you dependent on her. One of the happiest moments in any parent’s life is when their child reaches achievement and autonomy.īut a manipulative mother doesn’t want you to be successful or independent, not really. Loving parents want their kids to grow into healthy, capable, independent adults. That makes her one of the biggest hypocrites you’ll ever meet. A manipulative mother likes to use other people’s weak spots for her advantage, but she is in denial about her own massive flaws… She denies that anything is ever her fault, and she never apologizes. She’ll also go around playing the victim, telling people: “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, I’ve done so much for her.” 4. This is a manipulative tactic to keep you in line. Whenever you stand up to her, she calls you “rude” or shuts down.

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Related: How to Heal From Verbal and Emotional Abuse 3. She also gets off on insults disguised as “jokes.” She is verbally abusive.Ĭalling you names, yelling in public, and berating you for doing something “wrong” is a regular part of your relationship with her. She immediately jumps into her victim role and tries to make you feel guilty for being an adult with your own needs and choices. They mean that you know who you are, and how you’d like to be treated.īut to an abusive mother a boundary is a slap in the face. She guilt-trips you when you try to establish boundaries.īoundaries are a normal, healthy part of human relationships. Here are 20 definitive signs you have a manipulative (a.k.a. Most likely, it will take you a long time to figure out that you were abused by your mother.Īnd even then, you’ll continue questioning your own judgment, and even sanity! That’s how damaging childhood abuse is. Someone who’s supposed to be a source of love, support, and care turns out to be the source of pain and psychological torment. So when you have a mother who is manipulative, withholding and cruel, it flips your world upside down.

However, there is something particularly painful and twisted about a manipulative mother.įor many of us motherly love is the only truly unconditional, pure love we will ever experience.

Manipulators come in all shapes and sizes.